Behind the Scenes
by random.corruption
Summary: A show is doing an interest piece on Samurai Champloo. A funny thing I thought would be a good idea. Please tune in! No pairings...It's just supposed to entertain. R&R!
1. Opening

(a/n: I just got a sudden whim to do this, so here it is)

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_Rocky intro theme plays as a camera pans in on a well made-up woman sitting next to a couch occupied by three others. One a girl of about fifteen with brown hair and pink kimono. Another, a wild looking man with tan skin and unruly hair. He rubs his chin that has a generous amount of stubble. The last is a tall and very pale man, he sits with good posture. The word dignified comes to mind as he adjusts his thin-framed glasses. Announcer gives the camera a wave._

Announcer: Hey, we're back on the set of the hit action/hip-hop anime _Samurai Champloo_. I'm sitting here with the three young and talented stars of the show; Jin, Mugen, and Fuu. I know we're all dying to know what you guys are really like, so let's dig right in. So tell me, what has it been like working together these past two seasons?

Fuu: Oh my gosh, it's been a lot of fun!

Jin: Somewhat entertaining, I agree.

Mugen: _shrugs_ Beats flippin' burgers I guess.

Announcer: Hmm…Interesting. What is your favorite part of being on a highly acclaimed and innovative show like this?

Mugen: I get some pretty decent chicks. Girls don't mind being just a piece of ass when they know you're on TV. Come to think of it, you're kinda hott. What are you doin' later?

Fuu: Pervert.

Announcer: Ok…We may have to cut that in editing. Jin, what about you?

Jin: I suppose that I would have to say that I most enjoy how challenging it is. Somewhat mentally, but mostly physically.

Mugen: Isn't that what I just said.

Jin: I meant the fight scenes…Idiot.

Mugen: Fuck you.

Jin: Not even if you paid me.

Mugen: You know you'd take it if I offered. Plus, everybody know that you're the gay one.

_Jin's head turns slightly in the direction of his scruffy male co-star._

Jin: _Excuse me?_ Hand drifts toward sword.

_Announcer begins panicking._

Fuu: Shut it, both of you.

_They obey grudingly. Announcer regains some composure and turns to Fuu with a grateful smile._

Announcer: Fuu, you've gone a lot through this journey. You've met a lot of people and even a few winks love interests. What most people are curious about though, is which of these two catches your attention.

_Both Jin and Mugen lean in, very interested in her answer. Fuu bursts into wild fits of laughter. Jin and Mugen look taken aback_.

Fuu: You're joking right? These two? Ha! Have you _seen_ the show? What's there to pick from?

_Eyes narrow and frowns pull simultaneously on Jin and Mugen's faces at her response._

Announcer: But…They're such lovable characters…

Fuu: Maybe for the audience. You only have to spend half an hour with them one time a week. I have to be with them all of the time. They're jerks!

Mugen/Jin: Hey!

Mugen: You should be grateful bitch, I've saved your sorry flat-chested self too many times to count. Show some respect!

Jin: What did I do?

Announcer: New question! Yes, that's what we need-

Fuu: What did you do? What did you _do_? Oh, let's see…You left me stranded more than once, I got put in a brothel, I got beat up…Oh, and let's not forget the zombies!!!

Mugen: Yeah but who _saved_ you from the zombies?

_Fuu's outraged face turns a violent shade of red. Announcer, camera man, and sound guy back up a few feet._

Fuu: YOU WERE THE ONES WHO GOT US IN THE SITUATION IN THE FIRST PLACE!!!!

Jin: What have you based this loose conclusion on?

Fuu: The mushrooms! You ate all of the mushrooms. If you two hadn't been hording them all like the pigs you were then we wouldn't have fallen down that stupid hole.

Mugen: We're pigs? You look like a sumo wrestler after you get through with a meal. Between that and the fact that you don't have a decent rack, no wonder you can't get a guy.

_Fuu lunges from chair and wraps her hands around Mugen's neck. Both fall to the floor and began a struggle. Choking noises add to the chaotic flailing of his arms. Fuu looks like she has weighed prison against killing Mugen and is willing to do the time. Jin stoically observes as if this is nothing out of the ordinary. Slowly he looks back at the announcer._

Jin: Did you have any other questions?

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(a/n: The next part will be up soon. I just thought it would be a fun idea. It's a little different from what I usually do.)


	2. Fanmail

(a/n: It took me a while to update, sorry. I'm more focused on the other stories. But this one is mostly for Kendra Luehr: you'll get it!)

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**Behind the Scenes (Fan Mail)**

_-Another odd Skittles commercial fades out and is replaced by a familiar tune. Fuu and Mugen are back in their chairs, somewhat calmed down. The announcer had remained at a noticeable distance. Jin is carefully wiping his glasses on his pants.- _

Announcer: Okay, and we're back. Things have uh, relaxed a bit since we left, as you might have noticed…

Mugen: _- quietly -_ Bitch.

_-Fuu sticks her tongue out at him.- _

Announcer: I was thinking that we might move onto some fan mail. You guys have a lot of fans and they are dying to ask you some questions. Is that ok?

_-All respond yes in some matter. Announcer gives them a disgruntled yet fearful glance as she opens a letter.- _

Announcer: This one is from Lisa Baylor in Piedmont, North Dakota. She asks 'Fuu, how do you stand being around such hott guys all of the time?…Oh my god, please marry me Mugen or Jin.' What do you have to say Fuu?

_-Fuu looks directly at camera.- _

Fuu: You people need to listen to me, these guys are nothing to swoon over. They are disgusting, rude, and generally abrasive men. You need to get over them! They aren't really this nice, saving me all of the time, it's the _writers_! This is a TV show, not reality!!!

_ -Jin and Mugen are gaping at her, really pissed with their hands drifting dangerously close to their weapons once more. The announcer looks like she's going to cry and the thought '_why me?_' incessantly rolls through her mind.- _

Mugen: Hey, I am charming!

Fuu: About as charming as a deformed monkey…

Announcer: Okay let's not go into this again. Why don't we take another letter? _-Hastily rips one open.-_ Tim Greebey wants to know 'Jin, you are incredibly sexy, can you send me some photos? Wink, wink.'

_-Mugen and Fuu start laughing hysterically.- _

Mugen: Ha! I told you that you were the gay one!

Announcer: Wait, there's more…'Mugen I also wanted to say that if you were here, that I'd treat you like my homework; slam you down on my desk and do you all night long.'

_-Mugen pales, Jin smiles.- _

Jin: You were saying?

Fuu: You know, I've wondered about that myself a couple of times. Are you two hiding something? _- Both narrow eyes at her_.- Nevermind!

Announcer: After the commercial, the last part of our piece. We'll see what our friends think of some of the internet sites that have sections featuring them! Shouldn't this be interesting?

_-Goes to commercial.- _

Announcer: When this show is over, I quit.

_-All watch confused as she storms off.- _

Mugen: What's her problem?

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(a/n: Taste the rainbow...)


	3. Fanfic

(a/n: Okay, it's been forever and a day since I updated. I figured I should at least finish the ficlet. I'm going to continue on the other, or at least try. No guarantees though. I hope you all like this one, I wrote it at three in the morning. Before you go on though: This wasn't meant to offend ANYONE. I'm just having a bit of fun, don't take it serious. I know all of you out there work hard on your stories and I'm not flaming them. Write all of the sex in you want, it works for you, so do it. If you must find something to hate me for in here though, feel free to hate, I can take it. But like I said, it's all in good fun and if you are hurt by anything I say; advanced apologies to you. The excerpts are NOT real fanfics, just over-exaggerated works of my own imagination.)

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**Behind the Scenes (Fanfic)**

_We return to the show with the same theme song, but a new addition has been added to the set; a large flat-screen TV. Everyone has a disgruntled expression due to the producer-forced close proximity, but none is more fearsome than the announcer._

Announcer: Thank you for tuning into the LAST segment of the show. This is the little part we like to call "fanfic review", where we see how our favorite characters react to some of the things their fans write about them.

Mugen: _-scoffs-_ How bad could it be?

_-Announcer doesn't even attempt to hide her satisfied grin. Instead, she is handed a laptop and settles herself importantly in her seat.-_

Announcer: So here we go… -_As she scrolls on the laptop the large TV corresponds with the laptop screen. The announcer goes onto and finds Samurai Champloo in the anime section. She scans the titles.-_ This one looks promising, it has a Fuujin pairing…

Jin: Excuse me? A what?

Announcer: Fuujin. It means that you and Fuu hook up or fall in love.

_-Jin and Fuu look at each other in horror and turn away quickly. Both are blushing violently and Mugen is, of course, laughing. The page appears on the screen.-_

Announcer: Oh well, we're just scrolling down to the good part anyhow._ "They had been left alone as the vagrant Mugen left to yet another brothel. The pig. How horrid he could be sometimes; no, make that ninety-nine percent of the time. Jin turned to the small girl, finally happy that he could finally convey his undying feelings for her. He couldn't hold it in any longer._

_"Fuu," he began with a husky tone that held a slight quiver. He was so terrible with things like this. She was worth it though. She, the sun, the stars, the moon. How could he not feel this way about her?_

_"Yes?" she asked oh-so-innocently. Her tiny frame was cast in great contrast by the wildly licking flames of the fire. It caused her eyes to shine brightly; the normal brown now a honey warm hue. He suddenly got scared of his own feelings, something that had never happened to him before. But something about this girl…no…no, she was a woman now. He couldn't deny that either. He shook his head and turned away, cursing himself for his own cowardice. His eyes widened when he saw her crawl over and settle herself in front of him._

_"Jin," she said softly. He couldn't bear to look into that perfect face or those beautiful eyes. She placed a hand on his strong thigh. She didn't usually touch him, but now she couldn't help herself. "What is it?"_

_This was it. He grabbed her upper arms firmly and hauled her up. He kissed her passionately. Her unexpecting lips quickly parted to allow his experienced tongue in. This was her first kiss and she was elated that it was with a man she loved. Yes, she admitted to herself, she loved him. More than the deepest of oceans were blue, and the never ending sky reached toward the heavens. And that night they made sweet and tender love under the stars with no worries about the sunflower samurai or Mugen interrupting. It was the best time of each of their lives and the first time they had felt truly complete."_

_-As the announcer finishes she turns to the subjects of the story. Both have identical looks of utter shock and abhorrence. The paramedic team moves in on Mugen who appears to be having a seizure. But roaring laughter abates their worries.-_

Mugen: Oh…my…god. That is the funniest shit I've ever heard! Ha, ha! 'Made sweet and tender love' Yeah, I could really see _that _Fishface! _–wipes away tear that leaks out of the corner of his eye-_ And Fuu wouldn't know what to do with a !!!!CENSORED!!!! if you slapped her in the face with one.

Fuu: Eww Mugen! That's disgusting

Jin: Quite crude. But what else should we expect. This after all, Mugen.

Mugen: What's THAT supposed to mean, four-eyes?

Fuu: It means you're a !!!!CENSORED!!!!.

_-Both look a little shocked at her harsh words. But Jin smiles. The announcer isn't even paying attention anymore, but searching for a new story. You can vaguely see her click on one in the screen behind them.-_

Mugen: Oh, how cute. The two of you really truly, undeniably love each other. I think that story might be based on a little bit of truth, eh? You two been doing the nasty behind my back? And Jin ya didn't even think to ask if I wanted a piece.

_-Fuu is turning every color of the rainbow, but Jin remains calm as he leans forward a bit in his seat to look around Fuu at Mugen-_

Jin: I know you offered before Mugen, but as I said then: I'm not interested. I know you're so desperate, so I'm willing to pay for any other man's company you please. It won't be me, and I know how **bad** you obviously want it, but we should be able to find someone who will do. Shouldn't be too hard, your standards are quite lax.

Fuu: BURN!

Mugen: Why you…I'm gonna…I should…

Jin: Articulate as always.

_-Mugen is huffing, Jin is grinning. Fuu is laughing raucously. The announcer has another tab open and is searching for a new job. She considers how bad it would really be to work at a slaughterhouse. Probably less violent than this…A slow smirk spreads on Mugen's face as he thinks of something-_

Mugen: You're saying I have bad taste?

Jin: I believe that was the intention of my previous indications

Mugen: Okay, Mr. I'm-so-friggin'-smart. If I really did think you were hot, then you realize you just insulted yourself?

_-Jin and Fuu are stunned that Mugen made an intelligent connection. They think about checking the weather in hell to see if it has suddenly become unseasonably chilly.-_

Announcer: Taking this opportunity to continue while all of you are being quiet. For once, might I add. We're going to do another one. This one has probably the most common and beloved pairing of the three. A little something you fan girls and boys refer to as "fuugen".

_-Mugen chokes on nothing but the air he is breathing due to this unexpected turn. He was in the hot seat again. Fuu groans and puts her head between her knees and takes a few deep breaths. She leaned this in therapy.-_

Mugen: Fuugen? Oh crap

Announcer: Ooh, this one's a bad speller. Oh, well. On we go. This should be entertaining in many ways

Jin: You're enjoying our pain, aren't you?

Announcer: Why yes, yes I am. Moving on…_ "Jin was gone again, probabley doing some stupid gay shit somewhere. Who realy cared anyway? No one, thats who. Mugen and Fuu were all alone in the hotel room. It was a hott day. They were sweting. That's what hapens when its summer._

_"Yo, it's real f'in hot. I'm gonna strip down, got it bitch?" Mugen called to Fuu. She squeeked. "You can look if ya want, we all know I'm hotter than shit and you want me."_

_Fuu stuck her tounge out at the ex-pirate and turned away stubbernly. "Yeah right! Like I'd want you!"_

_"Of course you do, I see how ya look at me." Fuu just snorted. "Then look if you think you can resist. I dare you."_

_Fuu decided to turn around defiantly and was instantly shoked by what she saw. I mean, she saw Mugen naked a bunch of times, but this was diffrent. He was **swety** and **glistening**. For god sakes, she was only human!!! Mugen knew that look in her eye, he just didn't expect it from little ol' Fuu. She was all inocent and st. But hell, he was a man and men had needs. He didn't mind breakin' in the virgin._

_"Well, well, well…" he drawled. "Looks like you realy are after my nuts. Let's do it then."_

_"What if Jin comes back?" she asked._

_"Fuck him." He said this with a shrug of corse. She thought on his anser. It was so simple, how had she never thought about it before? Yes, fuck him. _

_Mugen swiftly scouped her up and kissed her fiercely. She followed along and let his tounge explore her cavern. Her hands gripped the hairs on the back of his head and she pulled him in to deepen the kiss. A loud, illicit, porn-like moan came from deep in his throat. There was also a hint of growl to it, can't forget that. Finally, they pulled away out of breathe. _

_"Damn, you're hot," Mugen groned._

_"I want you Mugen. Take me now."_

_And that he did. He ripped away her clothing with his bare hands. He was surprised that her rack was so large. She was right about that clothing making her slenederer bullshit. He laid her on his bedroll and kissed her again. Then he went down to her heaving breasts where he took her !!!!CENSORED!!!! and put it in his mouth. She was moaning wildly when he started to finger her !!!!CENSORED!!!! Before long he took his !!!!CENSORED!!!! and put it in her !!!!CENSORED!!!! and started !!!!CENSORED!!!! her roughly. She couldn't believe he could make her feel this way. Such plesure eruppted through her body while he !!!!CENSORED!!!! her !!!!CENSORED!!!! and !!!!CENSORED!!!! with a !!!!CENSORED!!!! sweaty !!!!CENSORED!!!! until they both !!!!CENSORED!!!! screaming."_

Announcer: Well, that was…interesting.

Jin: I think I need to go get tested just for _listening_ to that.

_-Jin is paler than usual with a funny hint of green to his pallor. Fuu is openly sobbing just because she feels so violated. She wonders if she can sue someone for ear-rape. Mugen gives a whole new meaning to the word 'blush' and is trying to hide his face behind his hands. He has sunk about halfway down the couch from utter embarrassment.-_

Fuu: I AM FIFTEEN! _FIFTEEN!_ He's like twenty something! That's **rape**!

Jin: Well technically…you did seem rather consenting in that situation. It would be hard to argue that it wasn't consensual.

Fuu: Shut it skinny! It's statutory at least!

Mugen: …I feel dirty…_-which was saying something for someone who thought personal hygiene was a suggestion.-_

_-Both Jin and Fuu turn to the vagrant who is muttering to himself. The announcer is highly pleased that Mugen may soon be sent to the funny farm. Revenge is sweet and best when served cold. wonders vaguely why revenge is so often compared and given similes to food.-_

Fuu: God, get over it Mugen. Stop being such a wuss.

Jin: I concur. It is just the imaginings of perverted fangirls. You do like girls, don't you?

_-Jin always knows just what to say.-_

Mugen: What? You wanna go? 'Cause I will, I'll _kill your ass right now ya pansy!_ !!!!CENSORED!!!!. I swear to !!!!CENSORED!!!! I will.

Jin: Back to normal yet?

_-Mugen deflates and sits back down.-_

Announcer: Now, on to the final pairing. Jin and Mugen, maybe Mujin? Ha, ha, ha.

Mugen:_ -quietly-_ Sadistic bitch_. -FCC didn't catch that one.-_

_-A few milliseconds pass. Mugen springs from his chair.-_

Mugen: Wait. What did you just say? Jin and Mugen!?! Oh hell no! There is no way in !!!!CENSORED!!!! I am listening to this !!!!CENSORED!!!!. You can't pay me enough! That's not in the contract!

Announcer:_ -looking very content at this point-_ Actually, it is. In the contract it says that you have to stay for the entire duration of the show, no matter what.

_-Mugen pulls out his ipod and scrolls to his "Music to Play While Killing" soundtrack. Oh, the murderous thoughts.-_

Fuu: Down boy.

Jin: I don't think my manners can get me through this. I need to pray or something. Some one get me a bible, a Yarmulke, and tell me where Mecca is…

Fuu: But you're not Christian, Jewish, or Muslim.

Jin: Well I already tried Buddha and if he's taking an off day, I want to make sure someone up there has my back.

Mugen: Can't hurt to be thorough…

Announcer: You three really are delightful. I'm starting to see the charm.

Mugen: You're pushin' it, you know that?

_-A pointed click resonates through the room as Mugen loosens his sword from its sheath with his thumb. Announcer bitch (I can say it, it's just the aside, relax) goes back to the laptop and swallows a little harder than she intended to.-_

Announcer: Getting right into it…"_Fuu was at work. Like either of them noticed, she had though as she had left that morning. It was now twilight and she still wasn't back. She had said she was going to be working late. Jin and Mugen were shivering against the brutal cold of winter. It was snowing outside and the weak fire that burned between them was not helping to thaw their frozen muscles. Each knew that sharing body heat was the best thing to do, but another thing they had in common was that they were both incredibly stubborn._

_Each one wanted one another too. They had been denying the feelings for a while. They accredited it to being horny and never getting any. It was Mugen who finally broke the tense silence. He had less self control than the blue-clad ronin. _

_"I'm not tryin' to sound all fruity, but maybe we should huddle together for warmth. It's what you're supposed to do and all. This fire ain't cutting it." He braced himself for the abusive comments, prepared some comments, all had cussing of some type. He was shocked by Jin's next words._

_"That might be the prudent thing to do."_

_Nervously, they shuffled closer together so that their shoulders were touching. Jin took the blanket that he had wrapped around his body and lent some to Mugen. Both felt instantly warmer, but not in the place they wanted to be. Both were trying to suppress the thoughts running through their minds, to no avail._

_"Mugen?" Jin asked._

_"What?" he asked a little too quickly._

_"You look tense."_

_"I am."_

_"You've never had sex with a man before, have you?" Jin asked innocently, throwing caution to the wind. Mugen was flabbergasted._

_"What!?!" _

_"I know you want me. It's not hard to figure out. I am the smart one, remember? I thought it would make things awkward for our traveling together, you know…sleeping together."_

_"I-I don't know w-what-" Mugen was stuttering. He would not admit that he wanted it, BAD. _

_"It's fine Mugen, as long as we can keep it casual. No emotional connections, just physical."_

_Jin was talking all the right ways, and it was making Mugen even more turned on. That was it, screw his reservations. He leaned over and grabbed the front of Jin's clothes and pulled him in for a kiss. If he was going to do this then he was going to be on top._

_The clothes were immediately gone and they were locked in a fierce wrestling match, each gaining for dominance. Looked like Jin didn't want to be the catcher either. Finally, to his dismay, Mugen landed under Jin's hot and muscular body. He could feel something foreign pressing into him, but it only turned him on more."_

_-The announcer continues on while the two men are gobsmacked by the words coming out of her mouth. Had she no shame? I mean these were things that even** PORN** wouldn't do, and they tape donkey shows. By the time she finishes, both hardened men are blubbering like toddlers. Fuu looks like she wants to laugh, but knows that she wouldn't live if she did.-_

Announcer: Well, that completes another episode of Behind the Scenes. We've had an absolutely _fantastic_ time with Jin, Fuu, and Mugen from Samurai Champloo. I hope we can do it again soon. What do you say guys?

Fuu: Maybe I can get my own spin off show…

Jin: Dirty…so very dirty…I'll never be clean again. Do they make a tool that scrubs the inside of your head?

Mugen: Why me? What did I do? I'm just the loveable anti-hero. Don't you people LOVE me anymore?

Announcer: What fun.

_-Our favorite tune plays us out. The camera view fades to black and the credits roll.-_

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_(a/n: Thanks for reading. Rate and message if you wish. I know I'm not on a whole lot anymore, but I felt I owed it to you to finish this up.)_


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